image: gravity. By Lilli-Kad

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Have you ever experienced continuously alternating emotions? The kinds that feel like turning a water faucet from burning hot to freezing cold over and over again? You keep waiting for the feelings to blend and become less intense, to completely subside, or, at the very least, to stop showing up unexpectedly… Waiting for the day when they don’t come back at all. But, that day isn’t today.

When you realize that the life you once knew will never be here again. When you feel the sharp sting of the pain of loss coupled with the self-doubt that you were ever once whole or free… or even safe. You know you had to have been once, but that was so long ago it feels like another lifetime, a distant fading memory.

When fear consumes your entire being so completely that you feel sick and disoriented. And you’re left waiting… just waiting for it all to come to an unceremonious close. In the meantime, you keep getting pulled back into the past, yanked even. Unscrupulously doomed to continue replaying the dagger-in-your-heart moments repeatedly until they fade into the background.

Then, suddenly, you’re back in the moment where you were all along, only your thoughts traveled into the past. But the emotions attached to those memories still linger not only in the mind, but throughout your entire being… body, spirit, energy… all consumed with the feelings you can’t seem to shake.

So, you keep waiting… waiting for the day when it no longer happens… waiting for a soft moment to finally fall into peace… waiting… breathing… w a i t i n g . . .

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Sara Bareilles – Gravity

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do I’ll still feel you here ’til the moment I’m gone.

You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

You loved me ’cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

Set me free, leave me be. I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me.

I live here on my knees as I try to make you see
That you’re everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down.

You’re keeping me down, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
You’re on to me, on to me, and all over…

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.

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