Photo credit weheartit
I am at that point where I want to find someone worthwhile to spend my days (and sometimes nights) with me (and, eventually, sometimes the bunnies, if it’s appropriate).
Yes… I do believe that it is finally time to:
LET THE dating COMMENCE!!
After some serious thought, consideration, and a little bit of disappointment, I have come to the conclusion that finding a guy the ‘old-fashioned way’ may not really be a possibility for me. Here’s why:
Just in case you didn’t realize it, I have two very little children. Bunny Boy just turned two and Bunny Girl is almost 10 months old now.
As a single mother, I pretty much take the bunnies with me everywhere I go (except to teach yoga classes and court appointments – no real chance of meeting a man there).
I know that I don’t wear a ring on my finger, but I might as well. A woman walking around with two baby bunnies is a total man-deterrent for a number of reasons.
1. Most men assume that, because I have babies, I must be in a relationship, probably with the father.
Even if I’m not wearing a wedding band or some other ring on my ‘dedication finger,’ so many couples are having children outside of the confines of marriage these days, that no one can really tell for sure.
2. Screaming infants, tantruming toddlers, and diaper bags are NOT sexy, regardless of what the movies or books may have told you.
3. There must be at least one more reason here… what could it be? Oh, yes.
I’m not going to the bar or hanging out at the local single’s scene. I leave my home to go to the grocery store, the playground, and the gas station… How many people find love there, I wonder? Not too freaking many, I’d wager.
Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the challenges that I’m facing.
So, with this in mind, and please don’t judge me too harshly, I have succumb to…
dun, dunnn, DUUUUNNNNN…
So far, it’s only been a brief look into the world of dating online and I’m already feeling nauseous…
God help me, I’m not cut out for this, but I’m running out of options. So, I’m just going to dive in, or at least dip my toes.
So, first it was about finding the right service to use.
I’ve read enough blogs and other articles to know that Tinder is so NOT what I’m looking for (can we say, hook-up service? no thank you… next!).
I took a brief look at Single Parent Meet and was quickly taken aback by the, uhhhhhh, “single parent-types” available in my area (if you’re reading this and are on Single Parent Meet, I’m sorry. I’m sure you’re super great and all, but I just didn’t see what I was looking for when I was searching).
A brief look into some of the other web-based dating services didn’t really do it for me, either. I really didn’t know what would be the best option for me, so I just went with my brain, which just so happens to have been subjected to marketing for it’s entire existence…
So. Much. Marketing.
And, after much perusing, I finally decided to settle on Match.
So, after taking the time to upload some pics (that one up there is nice and fresh), answering the obligatory questions about my age, height, body-type, marital status, etc., and writing what was probably a crap bio, I now have a public profile available for viewing on Match.
After I finished up, I had a chat with one of my guy friends and went to bed (OK, maybe he’s more than just a friend, but he lives many miles away… not an ideal situation).
All night my phone kept sounding off alerts to let me know that I had new emails. The next morning, there were over 50 messages in my inbox, most of them from Match.
I looked through a few of the potentials and found that many of them were actually not tragic trolls. In fact, a lot of them were good-looking and had decent bios! So, I thought that I had done myself a real favor by creating this profile. All right, then…
But, when I went to actually respond to some of these fellas, I hit a wall with the subscription request.
BAM! Give us money or live out the rest of your days as a spinster, alone in Loserville!
Ouch. Right in the pocket book.
I literally don’t have two dimes to rub together right now. So, now I’m stuck, like totally, STUCK in a place where I have great men who live close by eager to connect with me, but no way to do it.
Frowny face 🙁
Luckily, I had the distraction of some friends who asked the bunnies and I to come out to their cottage by the lake for the day, which made me feel better.
But, when I got back home (and back within cell signal range), I had a ton of new emails from Match.
Literally, within 24 hours of creating my profile, I had over 100 views and a bunch of winks, messages, etc from these potential soul mates. And, again, no way to connect. *Ugh*
I’m assuming that this kind of response in the beginning is normal.
From what I can tell, these dating sites put new profiles out there in high traffic to make you WANT to pay for their service. But, then again, I actually have no idea if this is standard fair or not (maybe someone who actually knows a thing or two about this can weigh in down in the comments – come on, you know you want to leave a comment on this digital disaster, right?).
So, here I am back at square one with this whole ‘finding someone special’ thing.
No doubt you’re saying to yourself, “Awe, it’ll be OK, Gretchen. Love will find you soon enough. In the meantime, at least you’ve got your fun buddy to keep you warm at night.”
Well, first let me say:
Thanks reader, you’re so sweet for thinking about me and wishing me well. That means a lot to me. <3
Next I’m going to say:
But, that whole buddy thing… yeah, pretty sure that’s over. I’m not cut out for that kind of thing, apparently.
You want to know what happened?
Yeah… OK… It’s embarrassing, but this is pretty much my personal diary as it is anyway (made public to thousands of people – weird, right?), so…
Why the heck not?
On a side-note:
During the three and a half months that I’ve been writing this here bloggy-thingy, there’s been nearly 4,000 views!
You readers absolutely, totally, and fantastically rock my world!
<3 <3 <3 I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!! <3 <3 <3
Alright, got that out of my system. Now, getting back to this whole buddy business…
You might remember that I had made an arrangement with a guy to be my kissing partner, Mr. Hottie. He was laid back and easy to talk to, plus he put me at ease quickly which made making him my cuddle partner feel so natural and easy. LOVED that.
But, I must have been reading his signals all wrong. Which is too bad because,
I thought we had a genuine connection.
This was clearly my mistake.
Turns out, he must not have been as interested as he let on… which still kind of bothers me, I’ll admit. But, writing this helps get it out, so onward with the tale.
We had hung out only about three times total and each time was really great. I was doing fine with the no commitment thing.
I felt no problem with not keeping in touch between visits and didn’t feel like I needed to know what was going on with his personal life (that’s the way this sort of thing is supposed to go, right?). So, I was totally happy with that.
I had some weird moment with the Corporal that would have normally sent me into a downward funk of frustrating thoughts.
For some reason, though, that didn’t actually happen this time.
When I thought about it, I realized that it was because Mr. H was around to take my mind away from all that.
So, it turned out that my few encounters with him were even better than I had originally thought.
CLICK… a switch must have been turned on (against my will) and I suddenly felt the need to send Mr. H a text to tell him about this epiphany and to say thanks.
Uh-oh… could these be emotions mixing into the picture now?
I broke the rules and sent Mr. H a night-time text message that read, “Hey, you awake? Busy?”
The next day, I followed up with a message on Facebook (the one from the blog post).
Got a positive RESPONSE that time.
OK, we’re cool again and talking about potentially hanging out. Maybe there’s something here… not sure yet.
CLICK… more feelings? I really don’t know, but looking back now, there probably was some sort of emotional response.
A few days later, we got to texting a little. We talked about hanging out together and seeing some live music in the park.
I, for some stupid reason, thought we had made plans. Looking back now, I realize that he never actually agreed to hanging out. Instead, he simply texted “That’s an idea. Who’s playing?”
There was a brief text exchange, but no confirmation on hanging out. I knew he was at work and I didn’t want to be a pushy texter, so I didn’t send much of anything else beyond that. So, I might be to blame for making an assumption.
Excited about the prospect of hanging out with a guy, I spent an hour or so getting ready. I never spend more than 10 minutes getting ready for anything, not with two babies. So, I looked nice. Really nice.
The bunnies and I arrived at the park and I looked for Mr. H, but he was nowhere to be found.
I sent him a text.
30 minutes later, I sent him another text.
Umm, OK. No problem. I had a great time with the bunnies anyway.
After the concert in the park, I went back to Facebook to give Mr. H a chance to explain.
Though, I could at least see this time that he had READ my message (thank you Facebook for giving people SOME accountability).
Another hour or two later, I left him with one more message and said good-bye.
Though, once again, the message had been read.
I can’t begin to imagine the inner workings of Mr. H’s mind and the reason that he felt the need to blow me off so harshly.
Certainly, he had a reason, one that I will most likely never know.
I could be one of those women who internalizes a response like this (or lack thereof) and analyzes it to death or blames herself. But, I’m not.
I could go on some rampage talking crap on Mr. H and trying to lift my spirits by expressing ‘how awesome I am’ and that ‘he’s missing out.’ But, I’m not.
What good would that do?
There could be any number of things going on in his life that I have no idea about. Maybe he was just telling me what he thought I needed to hear to keep our casual relationship just that, casual.
I’m almost certain that he feels bad about it.
Mostly because he seemed like an otherwise decent and cool human being.
I don’t know.
So, yeah, the bad news is things didn’t work out the way I had hoped. The good news is that there weren’t any strong feelings that had developed yet, so I’m not all broken up about it.
I’m more hurt by the rejection than I am about the actual loss of Mr. H.
I deleted Mr. H’s phone number and released him from my friend list on Facebook. I’m not even sure if he actually noticed or not.
But, one thing I DO know:
I’m not cut out for a casual relationship.
So, maybe one of these days, somehow, some way, I’ll find someone who wants to respond to my messages.
Someone who will want to spend time with me.
Until then, I’ll just keep working on making every day I have better than the last one was.
…More to come, stay tuned.
What would you have done? Was my response too harsh? Tell me what you think in the comments. I can use all the help I can get. :/
Or, at the very least, give this post a rating by clicking on the stars below so I know what you’re enjoying and what’s less interesting. Thanks, lovies!
This song has become my official summer anthem for 2015… Everyone does that, right?
Namaste elusive unicorns <3